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We came home from dinner and Blaine checked the nesting box, crossing his fingers that there’s an egg. He’s been doing this for the last few weeks now that the chickens are old enough and he says they’ve been making some interesting noises. He’s been hopeful, I’ve been “eh” about it since I think it’ll freak me out too much to eat their eggs as illogical as that is since I’ll eat eggs from the store.

I was in the house when Blaine started frantically calling my name from the backyard. I assumed that one of the chickens was hurt because he always calls me frantically when an animal is hurt. I guess he assumes that I know what I’m doing (ha!). Well I ran out to see that he was grinning and staring into the nesting box and…

TA-DA! An egg, an egg! Our first egg!

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I bet you think this little tale ends here, huh? We got our egg, we’re happy campers. WRONG. I still haven’t told you what the iPhone sucks at. The iPhone sucks at…

Defending you from angry, angry roosters.

Literally seconds after I took the photo above (I didn’t even get to close the camera app), it happened so fast but yet so slow. I felt claws digging into my legs. Suddenly I notice our rooster is flapping all over the place and I run. Then I turn around, hands outstretched, trying to use my iPhone to defend myself from his vicious attack as he pressed on.

You know what the iPhone is good at? Taking accidental, blurry photos while I was being attacked.

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And it’s good for taking pictures of the result of said rooster attacks. They don’t look that bad, but those scratches welted up pretty badly.

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My iPhone will not defend me from roosters, but it sure will capture my absolute fear while I’m getting attacked by one.

I feel so stupid now, screaming Blaine’s name, and backing up with my iPhone held out as if it was some sort of shield that would protect me. All I knew was I didn’t want him to scratch me anymore and that little rooster was seriously pissed off.

What was Blaine doing during all of this? I swear he was watching in amusement/shock for most of it. And then after I panickedly (not a word) called his name for probably the 5th time to save me, he stepped in and the rooster backed off. Yeah, whatever Blaine. It’s easy to be brave when you’re wearing pants and shoes.

There you have it. The iPhone will not defend you against angry roosters. Take that Apple.

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