I may have mistaken my switch from being obsessed about getting married (the wedding and whole idea itself) to a realistic, healthy view of marriage as me no longer wanting to be married. I’m definitely still willing to get married. Marriage certificate or not, I love Blaine and want to spend my life with him. So yes – I am open to marriage. I am also enjoying this new more mature way of looking at it. I now think of the marriage itself instead of thinking like a teenager with stars in their eyes about the perfect fairytale wedding.
In other news my little sister got married for her. While I don’t think the decision was the best, most thought out decision I am doing my best to be supportive. The deed is done, so now I just have to be a good sister and accept it. I know I’m not the only one having trouble with that idea. I will share photos later on. I still owe this blog photos from big bear! Oops! Maybe I’ll get to that today. I hope so, at least!
My family (minus Blaine & I) went to Vegas for a few days. Having the house to ourselves was amazing. I love my family, probably more than the normal 23 year old woman. But living with them can be difficult. I struggle with wanting my own place. I want to nest (not pregnant!) and make my own home, rather than live in someone else’s. I know it’s mine as well, but I would really love to start one of my own. This poses an issue because we still can’t afford a house with a yard and good luck to us if we want to try and find a condo/townhome that will accept 4 dogs and 3 cats! I guess that’s the plan right now. Another issue that is posing a problem is that Blaine is wanting to switch jobs. If he switches his field of work, most lenders will want him to be in that line of work for at least 18 months before approving him for a mortgage. I really don’t want to be here for another 1.5 years. I want us to start our own life. I want a home of my own. I want to start paying off our own mortgage so that we own something of value.
Blah. Life isn’t turning out how I expected. I’m trying to live it a day at a time and enjoy it, but it’s not always as easy as I’d like to think it is. School is tough and I’m SO tired of it. I work weekends and while I love my job, it’s hard working the only 2 days that Blaine is home and we can do things together. It’s tough. I know it’s a phase of our lives we need to get through, but it’s frustrating.